how to raise ur baby yo chapter 1 smelly baby is born omg

Huh hello readers so huh u just had a baby? Huh well maybe it was by accident or maybe u r so dumb u actuallly wanted it and now u don’t know how to raise it well don’t worry yo cos monti has ur back huh

Step 1 having the baby

Huh so right now u are at the hospital and the doctors r looking at ur vagina yo and don’t wanna brag but ur vagina smells bad at this stage and that baby is streching it like a stretch arm strong doll (huh remember those readers) just don’t panic yo u just got to push it out like those big poos that r super big and hard and when u try and pull it out by hand it snaps in half huh don’t worry yo ur dumb baby wont snap in half just push and count sheep yo oh and ur vagina will not be as great anymore OWNED BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Step 2 newly born baby

So yo the doctor is like oh it’s a girl yo even though from a radar xrays they already know if it is a girl or boy omg yo and if ur baby is crying that is the sign that it is a pussy baby yo and you have to punch it in the face till it stops crying or else it may be like those grown men that play baby games and do baby things when they get old yo if it doesn’t stop crying them throw it in the bin and have a new bby we cant have people growing into pussys yo and trump as president doesn’t want pussys in the world so do the world a favor yo

Step 3 bringing the baby home

So now u bring ur baby home and remember yo to throw it at walls and stuff if it crys like flys yo put it to bed but make sure the bed isnt too coftable yo we don’t want that dumb baby becoming a pussy yo

Step 4 feeding ur baby

Many people feed their baby boob milk but u shouldn’t do this because wen that baby gets older people will laugh at it for drinking boob milk when it was a baby its better to give the baby cool drinks like cola and tango and cool foods like monster mauch because wont be able to make fun of it and cola and monster mauch taste nice

Step 5 cleaning ur baby

Ok readers this is the most horrible bit and I know we all been scared of this yo but babys STINK more than simon after he has hit the gym(more like simon in general aye readers) babys poo themselves on purpose to get attention yo I know this because I was once asked to look after a baby and the baby smiled at me and 1 second later pooed itself I wanted to hit the baby but my aunt was there so I flicked it with my fingers
The best things to do is ask someone else to clean the baby or use those litter picker things rip the diaper off and spray its stupid bum with a hose pipe from a distance cos believe me readers u don’t wanna change a baby the dumb normal way yo

Step 6 naming ur baby

Don’t nae ur baby something stupid if u do u may as well feed it boob milk yo call it monti yo

Huh that’s enough baby tips for now readers don’t want u all turning into babys BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Downloadable contect:

Whoa whoa whoa readers put those credit cards down yo unlike ea im a kind and caring person and care about this planet

Why is the simon of all sights the gayest person in the entire universe?
BECAUSE HE SMELLES OF GAY PARTICLES BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Why is simon a lame brain?
BECAUSE HE HASN'T GOT ANY OTHER BRAIN BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Huh join me next time readers were I teach u about the perfect baby equipment and techniques to raise ur baby